Out of Options: Utah Replaces Basketball Team with Utah’s Top Jazz Band

After losing star player Gordon Hayward to the Boston Celtics, the Utah Jazz have decided to replace their entire team with Utah’s top jazz band, Salt Lake Boogie.

“Yeah, we sorta ran out of options and decided to go with the next best thing,” said Dennis Lindsey, GM of the former NBA team the Utah Jazz. “We needed to use this stadium for something, and this way, fans can keep the old jerseys.”

“This time signature is insane!”

Despite nobody in Salt Lake Boogie knowing the fundamentals of basketball, Lindsey hopes the musicians’ acumen for improvisation and working together will help them keep up on the court.

“Hey, in true jazz fashion, we’re just going to go with the flow,” said Lindsey, enjoying a nuanced and bold rendition of “A Night In Tunisia” the new team played in lieu of practicing basketball. “We’re guessing we can take most of the teams in the Eastern Conference, honestly.”

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